Today is the anniversary of my wife's death.
Although time has passed, the pain is still there. Yesterday, I talked with a woman recently widowed after 60 years of marriage. Her 82 year old husband and childhood sweetheart died a few months ago. I did feel bad for her because I can't imagine how she feels. But I also felt a stab of jealousy towards her and a stab of anger towards my dead wife. I expected her to outlive me and she somehow failed me. I'm the one living with pain and raising sons into adults.
The best thing for me to do when I have moments of grieving is to take at least an hour and pray at our Church' s Blessed Sacramant Chapel. If I'm lucky there's Eucharistic Adoration, but even if there isn't, the lighting, dim, with a single light on the tabernacle, allows me to be as alone on earth as it is pssible to feel and God enters my soul, bringing peace in ways I don't expect.
Oy...this post hit home. February 23 was the anniversary of my mother's death at the young age of 56. My brother and I always figured that Mom would outlive Dad. I think Dad did as well.
My parents were married for 34 years when Mom died. For quite a while, my father would feel angry when he'd hear about someone celebrating a 40th or 50th anniversary, or something like that. A stroke of fate in the form of an unexpected massive stroke robbed my dad and my mom of celebrating future anniversaries.
I never bought into the "God only gives us what we can handle" school of thought. I much prefer to believe that God is as angry as we are that these sorts of things happen, but like a best friend he is there to lean on.
Peace be with you and your family.
Posted by: Bill Wilson | April 07, 2005 at 06:50 AM
You'll be in my prayers and, I'm sure, of many througout the blog-world.
Posted by: Rick | April 07, 2005 at 07:40 PM