A few years back, our pastor was meeting with adults and teenagers. This was advertised to be “Fr. X unplugged.” I was there, along with some parents and a swarm of teenagers, trying to get my teenage son to complete his confirmation classes. According to the advertising, any teen could ask Fr. X anything about church, religion, Catholicism, God, teenage years, humanity. Anything at all--and get credit for a pre Confirmation class and a slice of pizza, too.
I don’t remember much about the teenager who asked the question but I remember the answer.
Fr. X reflected for a moment (and the room got very quiet). He responded, “No, celibacy is not difficult to live out, but I do miss something. Every Baptism and every First Communion I can see the physical similarities between the children and their parents. I can see that right here in this room as I look about and see you and your parents. Celibacy is not difficult; it’s knowing you will never have children. That can be hard.”
A touching and poignant answer, and there were smiles about the room. Suddenly, all eleven of my bullshit detectors went off like a wolfpack of diving World War II submarines. Don’t ask me how I knew, but I knew Fr. X had just lied his ass off.
I wonder what reactions would have been if his response had been something like this:
“Hell, yes, celibacy is difficult. I struggle with it. This is Southern California and I go to the beach! You bet it's a struggle sometimes. But all of us are called to chastity for our state, single married or religious, and in some way it’s a struggle for all of us. How we struggle with sin and temptation is important. I cannot do it without God’s grace and that’s true for everybody else, too. Pray for me that I will have God’s grace and I’ll pray for you, too.”
Fr. X has since been removed from the priesthood for "transgressing the boundaries of a youth," so my B.S. detectors were right.
Six months later, his replacement, Fr. Y, was delivering a homily about “prisoners” in the scriptural readings and matter-of-factly described the 60 days in jail he had served for being drunk in public (yet again) in violation of his probation, and how we are all in prisons of our own making. I thought that was a pretty good point but, judging from the crowd reaction, most people apparently found the image of a handcuffed bleary-eyed vomity stinking pastor just too vivid. The after Mass coffee and donut discussions were entertaining. Perhaps, a little too much "truth?"
Real Live Preacher discusses the disclosure issue from the other side of the collar. How much do we really want to know about our clergy? .9 X sounds about right.
.9x sounds good to me. Actually, that's probably a good goal for anyone, not only clergy.
Posted by: Steve Bogner | June 25, 2005 at 09:56 AM
I'd agree that there is a difference between brutal honesty, rigorous honesty, and necessary honesty. Let's face it - if your priest's name shows up on the police blotter, he'd likely better do some 'splainin'. (If there are children involved, his successor better be the one doing the explaining.)
But discretion (and simply maintaining appropriate boundaries) would suggest that he leave the rigorous/brutal honesty for the confessional - where it belongs.
I also wonder (if this is not the first time this has happened) if there shouldn't be some mandatory leave and treatment, enforced by his superiors. Here in Chicago, where the Catholic population is higher than average, there are a number of priests, brothers and sisters who are mainstays of our AA circles.
Those folks - including a number of my friends - didn't find their ways to AA because they were looking for American Airlines - but because loving and concerned peers, superiors and/or parish councils said, "We love you; we respect you, and the position you hold. But this behavior is unacceptable...something's gotta change."
The problem is that there is a stronger-than-average sense of denial in the institutional church - that because someone is "Father," "Pastor," "Sister," or "Elder," that they are somehow just to wait until the Holy Spirit smacks 'em sober. Obviously, I don't know 99% of the details - but if there's anything I can do, let me know...
Posted by: Steve F. | June 28, 2005 at 01:26 AM
I think Father Y was using his own experiiences as stepping stone to make a reasonable disclosure to the parishioners nad to make a pointthat we are all sinners. As I got to know him better I learned that he hosted the parish AA meetings, and was very active in addressing and dealing with all forms of addictive behavior because he knew the harmful effects first hand. I thought he was a wonderful prierst and, although he was transferred to a new parish, I still stay in touch with him.
Posted by: Unapologetic Catholic | June 28, 2005 at 08:08 AM
I remember being in Religion class Senior Year in my Catholic high school when this answer came up.
Fr. Tom gave a most honest answer, and kids were taken a bit aback by it. But it's stuck with me the 15 years since, and was really the first time I saw a priest as a real honest-to-God human being.
That said, you don't want to know everything. They need some secrets, as well as some surprising life story fact to pull out of a hat at JUST the right moment.
Posted by: susan rose | July 17, 2005 at 03:06 PM
11 BS detectors? God, how many do you have total?
More seriously, Catholics have been taught that priests are role models for everything: human wisdom, prayer, biblical knowledge, judgment, etc. But what kind of education says "your father is always right"?
Posted by: cathoLorenzo | August 30, 2005 at 12:14 PM
I have sevral teenagers, I need all the B.S. detectors I get get.
Posted by: Unapologetic Catholic | September 14, 2005 at 06:08 PM